This is an update on my post "How To Keep Her Forever".
Men complain that women don't make sense. Women complain that men don't make sense. Even after hanging with so many men like my father, grandfather, godfather, brother and my brother’s friends, I still can’t quite comprehend how a man's mind works However, I've heard enough women complain to know some things guys repeatedly do wrong. Here are 10 tips on what men must learn in a relationship about women.
Unless her religion requires her not to celebrate these days, remember annual anniversaries, birthdays and company celebrations. If it's been a year since she's made partner at her job, she will be impressed that you congratulated her on a job well done. Regardless of her not wanting to get older, a birthday card and a gift wouldn't hurt, even if it's not a luxurious gift. Anniversaries are something to celebrate—it takes a lot of work to make a relationship work, so this celebration is for you both sticking it out. If you're spending New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day without her, she'll probably question how much you really like her considering these days are notorious for couples to be together. It's an extremely bad move to spend couples' holidays with your friends in a Chicago sports bar downtown watching the game unless she works in the Loop too and you’re waiting to meet her afterwards.
2. Don't turn into a stranger.
Physically, people are destined to change, but mentally the changes should be improvement and growth. However, keep in mind the man you were when you first met her. If you were sending her flowers every Tuesday, 30 years later you’d get major kudos for still sending those Tuesday chrysanthemums. If you were calling her and having three-hour conversations, five minute phone calls followed by two days of not calling or not wanting to pick up the phone at all won't work. If you smelled like Diesel cologne when she first met you, but now you smell like dirt and car oil, head to the nearest Carson Pirie Scott after you take a shower. If you turned into a different person once you got her, she may regard the man she met initially as your representative. That hurts the relationship because if she fell in like or love with the man you introduced yourself to be and you suddenly turn into someone else, you may as well be a stranger to her. Listen to Tamia's song "Stranger In My House" to hear how women regard changes in a relationship.
If you spend more time at work or with your friends than you do with her and there's a way you can negotiate the two but you choose not to, you and her will have problems. There are women who want to hog up all of your time and want you to disassociate yourself from your friends, but assuming she's not that territorial and just wants quality time, try your best to give it to her. Buying her gifts isn't going to do it, at least not for the less materialistic woman. She wants to see your face, feel your body, and have a conversation with you. If you can make time to hang out with your friends, why not make time to be with your lady?
Both men and women tend to take each other for granted in a relationship, and when someone does something regularly, it can sometimes seem less special. However, think about something she does for you regularly that she doesn't really have to do but does it to help you out. Thank her for it. Manners matter a great deal in any relationship, but sometimes a woman just wants to know she's being acknowledged.
5. Keep your hands to yourself.
Although this one may seem obvious, there is no reason whatsoever that a man, especially someone who is noticeably stronger, should put his hands on a woman. There are men who say if a woman acts like she can take him on, then she should be treated equally. Realistically, a man can restrain a woman without hitting her. If you are in a relationship with a woman who is abusive, leave. Don't let a woman take advantage of you for being a gentleman. You deserve someone who can hold a conversation without destroying your property or putting her hands on you. Leave that woman with her copy of "Waiting to Exhale" and single. If you have to call the police to get her to stop, so be it. Assault and battery are not men's crimes only.
6. Listen when she talks.
Men complain a lot about women blabbing their mouths too much, but sometimes they repeat the same complaints because you weren't listening the first time. Actually listen to repeat nagging and nip it in the bud. If you don't agree with her, stand your ground until this discussion comes to an end and let her know you're not budging on the topic eternally. But if you're going to be cooperative, hear her out. If she’s tired of you Chicago stepping with other women on the dance floor at Mr. G’s, how about teaching her your moves?
7. Don't cut off the affection.
We hear about women who cut off sex or give a man the silent treatment to teach him a lesson, but it bothers her as much as it bothers you. A woman likes affection from her man, and when she feels like he doesn't want to touch her, it can make her feel insecure about herself and/or the relationship. If you're really not in the mood for sex, at least roll over and cuddle with her. Making her feel bad about not being in the mood for sex while you're cuddling is also a downer. There may be times when both parties are tired, but don't give her an ultimatum of sex with cuddling or neither. She may grow to resent you because of that kind of pressure.
8. Pay attention to her outside male friends.
When a woman is not getting the attention she needs from her man, she will look for that attention somewhere else. If she has male friends, make sure you've met them. Pay attention to her body language and conversation around these guys. Men and women can be platonic friends, but it's generally a good idea to be your woman's best friend as well as her lover, and if she has a closer friend than you, you might want to have a talk with her about the direction in your relationship. Platonic friends will be respectful of the relationship and will probably want to befriend you too or at least be polite to you to avoid having to cut the friendship off for good. Don't take on an accusatory tone, but it's nothing wrong with being concerned. However, it’s not a good idea to demand she cut lose long-time platonic friends who have been with her way before you came along just like you wouldn’t want to give up your own friends for her.
9. Be weary of asking for advice from your friends who have no girlfriends or wives.
While the only two people who fully know each other are the two people in the relationship, when you tell a story to your guy friends (or even female friends), keep in mind that you'll usually make yourself look good in the story. So when your friends come back cheering you on for your decision and wagging a finger at your woman's actions, take it with a grain of salt. You know you haven't told the whole story. And if they don't have girlfriends or wives of their own, remember misery loves company. Listening to different perspectives doesn't hurt, but don't make anybody's opinion the final say. The only person who truly knows what your actions should be is you. Step back from the situation and imagine yourself as the woman in the relationship. Would you be okay with your actions then? Remember the old saying about treating people the way you want to be treated?
10. Be honest even if you know it'll cause conflict.
Holding in your emotions from her can leave her confused and vulnerable. If you love her, tell her. If you like her, tell her. If you want to see other people, tell her. If the date just didn't go well and you're just not that into her, be a man about it and tell her. She deserves to know that she's not the one for you so please don't string her along. Sooner or later, your true feelings are going to come out, so you may as well be honest (in a courteous way) with her at all times instead of letting her find out the hard way. Otherwise you'll make her into a detective, and there's nothing more annoying than a woman whose side job is an unpaid employee of the Chicago Police Department investigating everything you say or do.
Stay tuned for more nextweek
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